


Glitter and Tweed

by vinceyprincey



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Crossdressing, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinceyprincey/pseuds/vinceyprincey
Summary: 'For the first time in his life, Howard knew why the universe had been treating him badly all these years. It was trying to balance out how lucky he'd got here. It wouldn't be fair on everyone else if he didn't have a bit of bad luck.'Howince wedding fic. Because they're obviously perfect for each other.





	Glitter and Tweed

When Howard dreamed of his wedding day, it always contained the same basic elements. A cultural, yet historical church, a small ceremony, containing just his family and closest friends (he had to make some up at the time), and a sophisticated, jazz-loving, beautiful lady. 

So far he had none of these things. The location had been narrowed down to a shortlist of clubs dotted around Camden, the Nabootique, or an upcoming Rolling Stones concert. His small ceremony had slowly grown from about 20 hand-picked names, to nearly half the population of Shoreditch, most of which Howard had never heard of. As for his sophisticated lady, well, he had Vince. 

And he couldn't be happier about it. 

For so many years, Vince had been his closest friend in the world, the only person he ever felt truly connected to. They'd met at school, and had never been apart. Neither of them were able to pinpoint the exact time they developed a bond closer than ordinary friendship; it just slowly revealed itself over the years they spent together. 

Naturally it had been Vince who made the first move. Thankfully, for if he hadn't they'd still be spending their waking hours pretending not to stare at one another, and Howard would still be giving himself Chinese burns every time he felt any amorous affection for the other man. As far as confessions of love go, it wasn't the most romantic. They had a day off from working at the shop, owing to an accidental infestation of mutant lice, which had somehow traveled from Zooberon, which meant it had to be closed until Naboo found a way to remove them. Vince had chosen to spend his day updating his art portfolio, and had managed to get paint on every possible surface he could, including his hair, which he luckily didn't notice. This didn't bother Howard too much, as it kept Vince quiet while he caught up on his novel on Beebop through the ages, and he was adamant he was going to insist Vince clear the paint up himself. No, it only bothered him when Vince manged to tip an entire pot of luminous silver over his favourite pair of tweed trousers, his only pair in the rare shade of regretful conker. 

"Vince! How could you be so careless?!" He exploded, pulling the trousers from his slender legs, mind already formulating an effective stain removal plan. 

"Aw Howard, I'm sorry! I was just kinda in the zone, y'know." Vince replied sheepishly.

"W-No, I don't know!" He spluttered, furious at Vince's audacity. 

If Howard shouted anything else at him, Vince was unaware, because he'd just begun to notice how amazing Howard looked at that moment. Soft, curly strands of hair escaping over his forehead, lips flushed slightly red from anger, long, willowy legs hitting him with full force (he'd always had a thing for Howard's legs).

There was nothing else Vince could have possibly done at that moment. He leant forward and pressed his lips against Howard's, which were mid-rant. 

Too shocked to react, Howard just stood there, stiff as a telephone pole, and let Vince continue to maul his lips. But after a few moments, it clicked that the very thing he'd been fantasizing about for as long as he could remember was actually happening, and he hastily joined in the kiss, albeit clumsy and inexperienced. 

The two men pulled apart, flushed. Howard flushed from excitement and longing, Vince from where some red paint had splashed onto his cheeks. The ruined trousers lay forgotten under their feet. The glitter spreading over the tweed to make a purely magical combination, the perfect metaphor to what was happening above. 

From that day onwards, their relationship became established, and no one knew how they'd ever spent a day not in a relationship. Every second they spent with each other was utter perfection. 

A year later, to the day exactly, Howard decided to propose. He'd been planning to for a while, spending nearly an entire month searching for the perfect ring. He found one eventually, a thin, silver band, with a cluster of colourful sapphires, emeralds and rubies. It was sparkly a colourful, just like Vince. When the day finally arrived, he kept it in his shirt pocket, near his heart, more for reassurance than to be romantic, as he was panicking so much he was worried he'd have a heart attack before he got to give it to Vince.  
Vince tried his best to convince Howard to go out for their anniversary, especially as a new restaurant he'd read about in Cheekbone had just opened and he was dying to try it. Despite this, Howard resisted, and ensured Vince he already had a perfect evening planned, and promised to take Vince to Topshop if he agreed. The truth was, Howard couldn't bear the thought of proposing in public. If Vince said no he was one hundred percent certain he would cry himself to death, and he didn't need an audience for that. 

So that was how he found himself, after six hours following Vince around Topshop, searching for a good place to put his candles (he couldn't put them on the table he was eating at: the last thing he needed was Vince's hairspray going up in flames). The kitchen table had a red, glittery tablecloth draped over it, onto which Howard placed two plates of spaghetti bolognase, a meal Howard decided was romantic enough, and more importantly, he knew Vince actually liked, unlike a lot of the other meals he'd considered making.  
Howard called Vince in from where he was waiting in their bedroom, and he emerged looking as stunning as usual, wearing his low-set, silver Joan Jett jumpsuit. 

"Genius," he remarked, sitting down at the table. Howard instinctively checked that the ring was still in his pocket. 

It didn't take long for them to fall into their natural pattern of conversation, which helped Howard immensely to forget why he was so nervous. He loved Vince, and Vince loved him, and by the time they'd finished dessert, Howard wanted nothing more than a ring on his boyfriend's finger. 

Howard waited until Vince looked away for a few seconds, and retrieved the ring from his pocket.

"Vince, I love you so much," he said to the younger man. 

"I love you to Howard, more than anything." Vince smiled at him, an expression that Howard thinks could end all of the world's problems at correct concentrations.

"Good, because I have the something to ask you." Howard's voice was getting quite shaky now; his worries were returning. He slid off his chair, onto one knee, presenting the ring to Vince.

His knee barely had time to touch the floor, and he definitely had no time to even ask his question before he was jumped on by Vince. 

"Of course I will! I love you!" Howard found himself suddenly being attacked by soft Vince kisses all over his face, a chorus of 'Yes's' and 'Thank you's' coming from his mouth still. They stayed like that for a long time, and eventually Vince settled himself in Howard's lap, still on the floor, bouncing with happiness.

"Good, do you actually want to put the ring on?" Howard laughed, his voice full of love and affection for his soon-to-be-husband. 

"Course! It's genius 'Oward, I love all the little gems," he admired as Howard slipped it onto his hand, before attacking him in another bout of kisses. 

And for the first time in his life, Howard didn't feel anything but pure joy.

***

The next morning when Howard woke up, he found Vince wasn't in the bed with him, which was strange as Howard definitely remembered him being there when he fell asleep. His first hypothesis was that Vince decided to go to a club in the middle of the night, which happened more often than you'd think, and hadn't got back yet. This is because to Howard's memory, Vince had never gotten out of bed before him, and certainly never even woke up before 10 am. But Howard ventured into the rest of the flat, and there it was, clear as day. It had just gone 7 in the morning, and Vince was sat on the sofa, flicking through a magazine. 

"Morning," Howard greeted, wrapping his arms around him from behind and placing small kisses on the back of his head. "You're up early, couldn't you sleep?"

"Mm, not really. I was too excited." He replied sheepishly and Howard noticed the magazine he was reading was covered with pictures of elaborate wedding cakes. 

"It will take a while to plan, we don't need to pick a cake yet,"

"Do we have to wait? Can't we just do it next week or something?" Vince asked hopefully. 

"Well we could, but it's an important day, I don't think we should rush any decisions."

Vince agreed that he was probably right, but still spent nearly every waking moment of the next month thinking about wedding plans. Howard tried his best to input his opinions into the decision making, but this was rarely taken into account. Howard didn't mind this too much: he loved seeing how happy the planning was making Vince, and he knew he could trust him to plan a memorable day. However, he did have to put his foot in when he caught Vince on the phone to a skydiving instructor, insisting that there must be a safer way to arrive at the venue. 

True to his character, Howard wanted to wear a nice, muted suit, maybe in a good tweed material, but Vince had other plans. He stood Howard before one of his clothe-making mannequins, which currently modeled a homemade tux, with a light blue shirt, black trousers and a deep blue blazer, dotted with specks of green glitter.

"No way. There is no way I'm going to my wedding looking like a blue mirrorball." He argued. 

"Aw c'mon Howard. Try it on at least. I worked well hard on it. Look, I even put elbow patches on it for you." This was true. The blazer sleeves were in fact embellished with two turquoise elbow patches, which lifted Howard's opinion on it immensely. Even to the point that when he had it on, he thought he looked quite fetching, albeit sparkly. He took solace in the thought that next to Vince, he'd probably be barely noticeable anyway. 

"Go on then, what are you wearing?" He asked, thinking Vince wouldn't be able to wait to show off his own attire. 

"Oh, I'm not sure yet," he said in a dull voice, face falling to look hugely un-Vince like. 

"Really, why not? I thought you'd have figured that out ages ago," he inquired further.  
"No reason, just haven't got round to it," he turned away, going to walk out of the room, but was stopped by Howard's hand on his shoulder. 

"Are you alright, little man?" Vince gave a small nod. Not content with this, Howard asked, "What's up, Vince?"

Vince's large, blue eyes met his, slightly wet. "I don't know what to do."

"About what?" he pressed further. 

Vince grabbed one of many wedding magazines from his bed, flicking it open.

"Well I was looking at all these genius dresses, yeah? Look how cool they are. I've been trying to pick one I like, or design one to make, but then I thought...well, boys don't wear dresses, do they?" he ended in a much softer tone. 

"Vince, you can wear whatever you want. Where's this coming from, you wear dresses all the time?"

"Yeah, but then everyone calls me a poof and queer and stuff. People don't like it." Vince's voice broke slightly, and it crushed Howard's heart. He took both of Vince's hands in his own.

"Don't listen to those people. I like it, and you like it. You say it yourself, you're the confuser. And you always look so stunning in everything you wear. If you want to wear a dress, then do it. Or I'll come at you like a blizzard, alright?"

His boyfriends face perked up. "Cheers 'Oward. Leroy said I was being an idiot, but I guess I needed to hear it from you," Vince ran out of the room, dress catalogue in hand, eager to pick an outfit.

"Any time." Howard responded fondly to the air in front of him. 

The rest of the wedding plans flew by without any problems, and before either of then knew it, the big day was rapidly approaching. After lots of consideration, they found the perfect venue. Vince had put a call into Bob Fossil, and managed to sweet talk him into letting them have it in the Zooniverse. They both agreed this was the perfect place. They'd be in the very place their relationship grew, and would be surrounded by all the animals they knew so well. 

"We've got replies from nearly everyone we invited, it looks like it'll be quite a good turnout," grinned Vince. "We're only really waiting for the reply from your parents, but I suppose it's takin' a long time, coming all the way from Leeds, right?"

The truth was, Howard knew his parents wouldn't be coming, he'd known from day one. He never even had any intention of sending them an invitation, but Vince wrote and mailed them all before he could stop him. Howard had never had the heart to tell Vince what his parents thought about their relationship.

Howard's parents were very serious, very close-minded people, and had been from his childhood. He supposed the only reason he was destined to be a 'Man of Action' was because that was what his father expected of him. His father thought that to be a man, you needed to be adventurous and daring; always ready to save a damsel from distress when the time came. And Howard always tried his best to please him, and earn his approval, which was very rare. Naturally, when Howard broke the news to them that him and the apprentice who worked with him at the zoo (as they knew Vince) were in a relationship, they did not approve. This was a large understatement in fact, as this was the last time Howard had spoken to either of his parents. The last thing his father said to him was 'I did not raise a faggot. You are no son of mine'. Howard didn't bear to think what his reaction would have been when the wedding invitation came through the door.

"Vince, my parents aren't coming," Vince's face displayed an expression of confusion. "They don't approve of our relationship." 

Howard explained to Vince his father's views on homesexuality, and how their last conversation turned out. Vince very quickly became enraged.

"What a bastard. Fuck 'im. I don't want him at our wedding anyway in that case." He paused in thought for a second. "Looks like there won't be any parents at the wedding then."  
Vince had never been very open about his childhood, except the time he lived in the jungle with Bryan Ferry. He'd always been very vague with any details about his parents. Howard assumed he must be an orphan, otherwise how to you end up being raised in a forest? But this was Vince's information, to disclose when, and if, he's ready. All that mattered now was their wedding.

***

When the anticipated morning finally arrived, it was Vince who got up hours before Howard (the second time in a matter of months, must be some kind of record). Howard spotted him sitting at his dresser in their room, already about an hour into his hair preparation. Howard got up and walked straight to him, grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss, which lasted for about 30 seconds, until they eventually had to pull apart to breathe.

"Good morning to you to." Vince greeted, gazing at him lovingly.

"I love you so much. I can't believe this is really happening."

The love that Howard felt for Vince at that moment was stronger than anything he'd ever felt before, and he knew Vince felt the same about him. For all the arguments they'd ever been through, and all their differences, they knew they never wanted to be apart from each other. Ask anyone who knows them: Vince and Howard are perfect for each other. And they both knew it.

When they were both ready, Howard in his suit, Vince in jeans and a T-shirt (he was changing at the zoo so Howard doesn't see his dress), they climbed aboard Naboo's magic carpet; their chosen method of travel. As they flew over Dalston, watching all the buildings pass by from above, Howard thought about how lucky he was. Vince was not only his best friend, his boyfriend, and his favourite person in the world, he was Howard's. He'd even agreed to marry him. 

The smaller man's hands were firmly grasped within Howard's, and his head was resting gently on his shoulder. Howard placed a kiss upon his feathery, onyx hair. For the first time in his life, Howard knew why the universe had been treating him badly all these years. It was trying to balance out how lucky he'd got here. It wouldn't be fair on everyone else if he didn't have a bit of bad luck. 

"Howard?" Vince's voice washed through him.

"Yes baby?"

"Thank you for marrying me." He grinned lovingly. Howard's heart gave a leap at this.

"I never wanted it any other way." He smiled broadly, putting his arm around Vince and pulling him close.

They shortly arrived at the Zooniverse, and to Howard's disappointment Vince was immediately whisked away by a hoard of stylists, the echo of an "I love you" being left in his wake. Howard scanned the horizon.

He remembered this setting so well. It was the place he'd spent so many years, been on so many adventures. It seemed the place was alive with Howard's memories. He'd even had his own funeral here for Christ's sake. 

There were endless rows of chairs, pretty much all occupied with people. On one side was the Camden elite, recognizable by the wide array of hairstyles poking up, including the familiar profile of Jacques LeCube. There was even a row dedicated to reporters clutching their notebooks. Vince's aim was to try and get on the front of Cheekbone, Dazed and Confused and NME on the same day. It had always been an ambition of his. 

"Alright Howard?" Leroy's voice came from behind him. Upon turning around, he found a camera hanging from his neck.

"Alright? Gonna take some photos?"

"Yeah! I'm the photographer!" Howard felt a little nauseous at this idea. As much as he liked Leroy, his organisational skills were basically non-existent. Howard would be willing to bet his rarest jazz record that that camera didn't even have a memory card in it. Politely excusing himself, Howard made his way to Bollo.

"Get some photos, yeah?" He handed him his camera phone. Bollo agreed, happy to be a part of the wedding. He'd been slightly miffed that the couple had chosen not to have a best man or bridesmaids. He'd been hoping to be the maid of honour.

The other set of chairs contained more familiar faces. Gary Numan and Bryan Ferry were front and centre, chatting amongst themselves, surrounded by a group of zookeepers, Mrs. Gideon among them. Howard thought it was a good sign that this was the first time he'd seen her and hadn't felt the urge to flirt (or do what he loosely called flirting).  


"Alright everyone! This isn't some kind of Jamaican sex gathering! Get on your seats"

Ah, Howard had been wondering when he'd crop up. Bob Fossil was strutting around, shouting his mouth of, clearly over-excited at being able to host such an event. Howard was just glad Vince had talked him out of wanting to officiate. They'd given this honour to Naboo, who was standing in wait at the end of the isle. He was wearing a blue robe, which looked unsettlingly similar to the very one he wore to the aforementioned funeral. Knowing Naboo, it probably was. 

Fossils's booming voice told him it was time to get in position. His heart was racing so fast he nearly tripped about 3 times while making his way to where Naboo was standing. He definitely didn't envy Vince for having to walk down the isle while everyone was watching him. Thinking about Vince, Howard kept trying to sneak glances into their old zookeepers hut, in which Vince was getting changed, but the curtains had been tightly drawn.

A few seconds later, an electro version of 'Here Comes the Bride' began playing. Howard had only allowed this song with the promise that they could play some jazz at the reception later that he and Lester could dance to. The crowd noisily rose to their feet, and all the animals moved to the edge of their enclosours to watch the procession.  
The door to the hut opened and Howard held his breath. The figure he knew so well emerged. Hair looking perfectly styled, and makeup flawless. It seems that last minute Vince had decided he didn't want to walk down the isle on his own, being struck by a sudden bought of nerves, so Bollo had immediately forgotten about his photographer job and leapt on this upgrade. It was probably fine, Howard decided, the press would get good enough pictures. 

Vince's fingers were tightly gripping a bouquet of bright sunflowers. Howard had picked these out, feeling it would be appropriate for the sunshine kid, as Howard called him.  
Howard didn't blink or peel his eyes away once as Vince and Bollo made their way down the centre of the chairs towards him. Their eyes made contact, and both broke into the broadest smiles possible. Finally reaching him, Bollo unhooked his arm, leaving Vince standing in front of Howard.

"Alright?" Vince whispered, suddenly shy, and so classically Vince that it made Howard's heart swell even more. He was wearing a blue, glittery dress, that went down to his ankles at the back, but was shorter in the front. Howard didn't know the name of this style, but it suited Vince immensely, he thought. Clearly a lot of thought had gone into it, as it matched Howard's suit perfectly. 

"Yeah" Howard breathed in response, wanting to kiss Vince but restraining himself. There was time to do that later. 

Naboo read out the legal parts of the ceremony in his normal, emotionless voice, glaring at Bollo every so often as he noisily wept.

"In sickness and in health, yada yada. Howard, have you prepared vows?"

Howard had. His hands fumbling as he retrieved a folded sheet of paper. He'd wanted to write some poetry, but opted not to, knowing Vince might not find it as romantic as him.  
"Vince, I love you so much. More than I've ever loved anything in the world. Being able to spend my life with you so far has been a blessing. When you agreed to marry me you made me happiest I've ever been. I just kept thinking, 'I'm marrying Vince Noir. THE Vince Noir. Who could have anyone he wanted. And he chose me. And I'm so grateful you did, because I love everything about you." Howard could have spoken for hours, but his voice was starting to crack and he really didn't want to cry. But he had one more thing he wanted to say. "I know your life hasn't been perfect, and neither has mine. I know that some people won't, and don't, accept our relationship. But if what we have isn't love, then I don't think love exists."

Vince's eyes were starting to tear up even more than Howard's, but his makeup had taken a long time, so he also refused to cry. Naboo prompted his turn.

"Howard. My adorable, jazzy freak. I love you, and everything about you, more than you'll ever understand. More than fashion, more than Jagger, even more than my hair. And you know more than anyone how much that really means. I've loved you pretty much from as soon as I met you, and I can think of nothing more I want to do than spend the rest of my life with you. Crimping, having satsuma fights, going on adventures. You're amazing, Howard Moon. I don't where I'd be without you. i mean, you practically raised me." They both let out a fond chuckle, filled to the brim with love. "I love you." He finished with a grin, both of them looking into one another's eyes. The moment was slightly ruined by Bob Fossil choosing that moment to blow his nose into a tissue.

"Well, if no one objects..." Naboo's voice trailed off. Howard held his breath, but his plan had worked. He'd organised a fake 'Howard Moon Appreciation Party', sending invitations only to Old Gregg and Eleanor. With any luck they'd both be in Somerset round about now. Howard was also slightly hoping they'd hit it off. He wanted both of them to find love just as he had.

"Do you, Howard Tommy Jerry Moon, take Vince Noir to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do" Howard announced, looking into Vince's eyes.

"And Vince, do you take Howard to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Of course i do you nonce." he said to Naboo, just wanting to get to the kissing bit.

"You may now kiss-" Naboo's voice trailed off, as Howard and Vince hadn't waited, and were already snogging furiously.

Vince pulled apart and leened into his ear. "I can't wait to go on more adventures with you. We'll have so much fun."

"Not as much fun as we're going to have tonight," Howard smirked. And the newly wedded couple kissed once again, smiling against one another.


End file.
